The FINE is the new black (Companies we want fined).


We are not sure what is going on, but it seems companies are getting fined left, right and centre. It also seems foreign companies are getting the brunt of it. We here at Storistori believe it is our patriotic duty to suggest foreign companies to fine, as well as give valid reasons why. We hereby announce that the following foreign companies be fined:

1.) Rocket
These guys came all the way from Germany with millions of Euros to “oppress” us. So many people have complained about them, they even wrote blog posts. Rocket Internet are the owners of Jumia, Kaymu, Lamudi, Carmudi, Jovago, EasyTaxi and HelloFood. Can you imagine these people? They came here and created jobs for our citizens, the nerve. Did we ask them to? Then they left the top jobs for their own people, so they don’t trust us eh? No problem.

Here is the fine:
Every job created in the economy: $250,000.
Every foreign employee: $1,000,000
Marek: $15,000,000

This is Marek, he is the MD of Jovago, the man himself is fine.


2.) Shoprite

Shoprite have had it coming for a while now. Their offences are numerous. From making Nigerians queue for their bread to selling French bread and not Nigerian bread. For not having change and giving us sweets in place of our change. For checking our receipts before we leave the shop as if we are petty criminals.

Here is the fine:
No need for a calculator. $50 million.

3.) KFC

We really don’t know why we should fine them other than the fact that they are foreign.

Here is the fine:
$200 million

4.) McDonalds

But they are not even here we hear you ask. Well that is why we are fining them. So they think we are not good enough? No problem, the fine will be waiting for them when they arrive.

Here is the fine:
For every year that they have stayed away since 1999: $25 million.

ps: The longer they leave it to come here the worse it will get.

5.) Tecno

This one is easy. Before Tecno came we bought phones for upwards of N50,000. Now anyone can buy a smart phone for N15,000. Imagine the amount of nuisances that are now on the internet. Sometimes you read some comments on some blogs or on Twitter and you know that if Tecno didn’t come here these people will be at home watching TV.

Here is the fine:
Every smartphone sold below N20,000: $1,000 per phone.


6.) DSTV
Nigerians will be pleased with this one. For us it’s not even because of their pricing. It’s that Chuck Norris advert that they show about “loss of signal”. Very annoying advert. The one that is even worse is when you pay and you get that E16 error that won’t go until you phone and speak to one Bimpe or Martins.

Here is the fine: $1 billion.

Lol. You know we are joking right? We love our foreign companies o. We just want to mess with you. Are there others? Let us know.

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