Inspired by Notorious B.I.G’s TEN CRACK COMMANDMENTS
I been in this Lagos driving game for years, It’s made me an animal, there’s rules to this sh*t. I wrote me a driving manual, a step by step booklet for you to get your driving game on track.
Rule nombre uno
Never let no one know what lane you in, cos you know, the lane breeds jealousy, especially if they lost their lane. Get your ass tucked up and your rev all up.
Rule number two
Never let them know your next move, don’t you know Lagos drivers drive with madness and violence? Take it from your highness. I’d have my face hard as hell and my palm on my horn.
Rule number three
Never trust no road user, your own husband or wife will take your lane off you. Have your foot on the rev pedal at all times.
Rule number four
I know you’ve heard this one before, never you drive without a working horn.
Rule number five
Never let strangers into your car, I don’t care if they have cash, tell em bounce.
Rule number six
That god damn lane giving, forget it. You think a Lagos driver repaying such a favour back? Sh*t, forget it.
Rule number seven
This rule is so underrated, keep your driving and the police completely separated. In Lagos, driving and the police don’t mix like two Lagos big boys in one white kaftan. Find yourself in serious sh*t.
Rule number eight
Never keep no valuables on your front seat, them area boys that hail you can break glass too.
Rule number nine
If you are not a Lastma officer stay the hell in your car. Don’t come out and start directing traffic. Lagos drivers will be sitting (and yimuing) in their cars waiting to take your place.
Rule number ten
A strong word called containers, strictly for mad men not for fresh men. If you ain’t got the driving skills stay the hell away. Cos they’ll be driving another truck the very next day. You be laying in a morgue and no one will have to pay.