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9 Things you will probably never see an African president doing

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These are some of the things you are unlikely to see an African president or head or government doing. Maybe except the “Scar of Africa” Field Marshall Alhaji Idi Amin Dada, the conqueror of the British empire.

1.) Riding the subway

cameron

OK, we don’t have subways in Africa (shh the one in Ethiopia is still fresh), but let’s assume we had a few. Can you imagine an African president doing this? Hell no, that carriage would be empty if indeed he wanted to go somewhere by train. In fact the whole train would be empty. What am I saying? The whole line would be closed for that day.

2.) Carrying own luggage

Conservative Party leader Cameron and his wife Samantha arrive at Euston train station in London

So after travelling by train you want an African president to carry his own luggage? Why? Is he the only one with hands left in the country? Can you imagine an African first lady carrying her own bag. Where are the Governors’ wives? The supporters of her numerous charities? Stop it. Just stop it. An African first lady without bling? Without the hair bigger than Simba’s?

3.) Riding a bicycle

cameron bike

Are you mad? An African president riding a bicycle? And it’s not to an election or for propaganda? Together with his finance minister? For what? Have they stopped making cars? Where is the security? The motorcade? Stop this nonsense and wake up from that stupid day dream.

4.) Eating in public with another president

obcam eating

This one is just too funny. African presidents chilling like this? Where is the grand dining table? The imported silverware? The champagne? Is this some sort of joke? Do you think we are savages likes Idi Amin to be eating outside?

5.) Buying petrol

putin petrol

For this one we have to imagine that there is no fuel scarcity. An African president will turn up at a filling station in a tee shirt and fill up his tank by himself? What? Why? Where? Who? Even if you wanted an African president to fill up his tank as a publicity stunt, is that the type of sh*t car you will give him? So they have stopped making Mercedes Benz right? Come on get out of here. You bloody scallywag.

6.) Bicycle. Again?

obama d

Lol. This is now becoming ridiculous. Seriously.  You want an African president to ride a bicycle, fine, but his daughter too? Do you want to go to prison? Seriously, do you? There is Ferrari, Lamborghini and BMW, you are saying bicycle. Is she a village girl? The audacity of you people.

7.) Ordering food
obama burger

Ok, fine, an African president can visit a fast food outlet. But stop right there, don’t dare think that an African president will stand and speak to a mere checkout person. Mr president will be seated, the restaurant will be clear of as many urchins as is possible and yes his food gets brought to him.

8.) Babies?

obama bb

You want an African president to carry your baby? Why? You don’t have a nanny? So if your baby has wind then your baby should puke on Mr President? Are you looking at yourself and asking these serious questions? Gerraahia men! Imagine all the drool dropping on Obama’s face, is this what you want?

9.) Table Tennis ke?

tbtn

The is tennis without the table. Golf and polo are there, even squash. You want your president to play a game for small children? You want a great country but want to belittle your president. Wait, let me order champagne.

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